I'm going to make myself sick, with all the lying I do to myself. I forget that I'm not this person I think I like others to think I am. Yesterday, David said I come off as emotionless. That stung. I know I can be difficult, and I know I can be terrible, but I didn't think I'd ever come off as cold. The irony is, I feel just as much as the next person. Every new stimuli makes me feel something else. Sometimes I'll get sad because I've seen something small, and I think too much on it so it just seems like a really sad metaphor. I just don't like to show my emotion.

There's just so much mask, and I have no idea what I'm wearing, so everbody else is seeing me in a different way, but I'm in control of what they see, but I'm not. Honestly, I can't explain it better than that. I try to be confident, and I just come off as bitchy. I try to be reflective, and I come off as depressive. I try to be sympathetic, and I come off as needy. At least people like a confident bitch. That's the only reason I've stuck with that one.

Here's what I want in life:
Love
True Friendship (check)
Real Confidence
Direction
Adventure
Dreams

One out of six? It's a start.