Acceptance

For years, I've touted this "I'm-myself-take-me-or-leave-me" attitude, forcing people to accept me as I was or get the hell out of my way. But I haven't been true to my word, because I've denied a very large part of my life for a very long time. I was afraid of being a steriotype, and worse, being steriotyped. For many things, but mostly, for being gay. What was I so afraid of, I wonder now, that I denied myself such a large part of my existence?

Obviously, this isn't a "coming-out" tale. I've been okay with BEING gay for years, it's just people viewing me as gay that I'm starting to be okay with. And, oddly enough, it's because of Glee. Before Kurt Hummel, I had never seen a character who was so steriotypical, yet completely amazing despite (or perhaps because of) that. My friends compare me to Kurt, and we share a few simular traits, but Kurt has a sense of self that I'm still working to achieve.

I dressed like a Nirvana, grunge-era reject because I thought if I actually took the time to arrange my clothes, come up with outfits, enjoy shopping, I would be the type of person I didn't want to be. But if I do enjoy arranging my clothes, coming up with outfits, and shopping, and I didn't do that stuff for fear of the way people would see me, wouldn't that be a whole other kind of conformity?

I'm slowly learning to be okay with myself. I'm 20 years old. I've got all the time in the world for growing-up and all the lessons we learn through out life. I've got great friends who support me, no matter what (I'm pretty sure they love me more, now, even). I'm in a good place. Instead of worrying how things are going to unfold, or giving a damn about the future, I'm just gonna accept it all- the laughter, the love, the pain, the anger, the here, the now, myself. These moments.

Because these are important.