Frozen

It's surprising, the things in my life that HAVEN'T happened. The people around me are surprised when I tell them I don't have a piercing or tattoo, because I seem like the type who would. Even I think I'm the type who would, or should, but I haven't.

When my sister was heading towards graduation, I had to go to Lathrop to drop off some things for her. While I was there, I decided to check up on some of my old teachers. But, mostly just Mr. Parker. It'd been... what? A year since I had seen him last? He stood outside his classroom, apperantly ready to leave, with a group of students crowding him and asking him questions. I must not have stood out as much as I thought I would, because he didn't notice me (then again, my hair was a natural color...). "Mr. Parker!" I practically yelled, as he was beginning to walk away.

He turned around, and it took a moment, but eventually he remembered my face. He greeted me warmly, and we made small talk, but it was when he said, "I'm suprised to see you're still here." that piqued my interest the most. "Why's that?" I asked him, not entirely sure what he meant. "I didn't picture you staying in Alaska. I always thought you'd go someplace exotic, or exciting. I kind of pictured you in New York."

Yeah, me too. For years, actually. When did it come to be, that I realised I couldn't live in Alaska? As far back as middle school, I can remember telling people I wouldn't live here all my life. I was going to get out, into the world. Travel was a big dream of mine; I pictured myself in Tokyo, London, Amsterdam, anywhere that had history and life. Of course, I'd still need a home, and that would be in New York City. A small apartment, perhaps, where I'd keep anything I didn't need to take with me.

I didn't want to get stuck here. Even now, I don't want to be here. I hear the world calling my name, and as much as I want to run into it, find it, follow it, explore it, I'm stuck. Paralyzed, even. I'm terrified of all that unknown... Growing up in Alaska your whole life, being somebody who's never mattered in any way that's important, you don't look into the void and think, "Who cares if I don't have a plan?" and jump. As much as I want to, as much as I'd love to see what lies beyond this Winter of Discontent, I'm frozen into this place like the frost beneath the ground.

But, I'm not giving up. I'm going to get out of here, and I'm going to make my place in the world. I've got brains, desire, and according to some, more strength than I know. I'll find my way out.